I’ve grown out of many bad habits; I’ve learned to stop biting my nails, eat a little healthier, and, albeit unsuccessfully, quit checking social media every damned minute.
But one habit I can’t seem to get rid of is saying “yes” all the time. If there’s one thing I hate most, it is rejecting people. See, even the slightest no to a favor seems like a rejection in my eyes. So much so that I would rather ignore someone than say “no” to their face.
You see, I am not a confrontational person at all. Any and all types of confrontation give me anxiety. That is why I find it so hard to deny someone’s request (however menial or time-consuming it may be). And I constantly think that people will return the favor, but as sad as it always is, that is almost never the case. In fact, people are very quick to take advantage of this little weakness. Knowing that I have no backbone at all makes it all too easy for someone to scream their request at me.
And even though, my blood is boiling and my head is spinning, I paint a smile on my face and shout an enthusiastic “of course!” at their exasperating appeal.
Sometimes I feel like a machine, working and working and working, until someone forgets to change the battery too soon; then me, the machine can’t do the function it was meant to perform.
Having a heavy workload is much like working as the machine. I am covered in all these things I need to do, that I promised to do in such a short timeframe. I am knee deep in work, attempting to get everything done. Suddenly, I breakdown because a lot of the jobs I promised to take on are not one-woman jobs. But I work on. Because I promised. Because I don’t want to disappoint anyone.
I don’t know if anyone is like me, but if it means that someone’s work load is lighter, I’ll help out, meanwhile forgetting that my shoulders are feeling heavier and heavier with the responsibilities I promised to do.
That scares me, the fact that I can’t say no. Because when it’s time for serious favors, I’m afraid I won’t be able to deny someone’s plea.
What is the limit to being too nice?