Nice and Dandy

I’ve grown out of many bad habits; I’ve learned to stop biting my nails, eat a little healthier, and, albeit unsuccessfully, quit checking social media every damned minute.

But one habit I can’t seem to get rid of is saying “yes” all the time. If there’s one thing I hate most, it is rejecting people. See, even the slightest no to a favor seems like a rejection in my eyes. So much so that I would rather ignore someone than say “no” to their face.

You see, I am not a confrontational person at all. Any and all types of confrontation give me anxiety. That is why I find it so hard to deny someone’s request (however menial or time-consuming it may be). And I constantly think that people will return the favor, but as sad as it always is, that is almost never the case. In fact, people are very quick to take advantage of this little weakness. Knowing that I have no backbone at all makes it all too easy for someone to scream their request at me.

And even though, my blood is boiling and my head is spinning, I paint a smile on my face and shout an enthusiastic “of course!” at their exasperating appeal.

Sometimes I feel like a machine, working and working and working, until someone forgets to change the battery too soon; then me, the machine can’t do the function it was meant to perform.

Having a heavy workload is much like working as the machine. I am covered in all these things I need to do, that I promised to do in such a short timeframe. I am knee deep in work, attempting to get everything done. Suddenly, I breakdown because a lot of the jobs I promised to take on are not one-woman jobs. But I work on. Because I promised. Because I don’t want to disappoint anyone.

I don’t know if anyone is like me, but if it means that someone’s work load is lighter, I’ll help out, meanwhile forgetting that my shoulders are feeling heavier and heavier with the responsibilities I promised to do.

That scares me, the fact that I can’t say no. Because when it’s time for serious favors, I’m afraid I won’t be able to deny someone’s plea.

What is the limit to being too nice?

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Nice Guys Finish Last

Dear Nice Guy,

Let me tell you something: you’re too busy being nice to all the other goddamn girls that the one girl you may like would not even be able to tell if you like her or not!!

*hint hint*

Okay, nice guy, let me try to explain this to you: I can get the nicest compliment from you, and three minutes later I could eaily feel like crap. Now don’t read me the wrong way, I’m not caught up in my feelings for you (ha, that sounded convincing, right?), I am just feeling rather insulted. You ask me all these questions and make me feel like you might actually be interested in me, and then bam! Another girl starts talking about how special you made her feel.

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So, nice guy, do you see my point? I know it’s not your fault that you genuinely care about people, but damn. Do you always have to make me feel so inferior to these other girls? At least give me a sign if you have any idea how I feel.

It’s my fault anyway. I let my feelings get the best of me. Of all the guys I had to like, it just had to be the sweetest, most genuine of them all, huh?

And for the record, nice guys never finish last in my book.

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(End Note: I’m such a freaking sap hopeless romantic i wanna barf)

Caution

How can you try so hard to be positive when everything and everyone around you is so negative?

I can say with complete confidence that on a typical day, you will find Happy Kristina. That being said, it takes a lot to get me to see a pessimistic’s state of mind. Not to be said that I don’t think about worst case scenario because, trust me, I think about that much more than I would like. But ultimately, I always have high hopes that everything will work out for the better.

I can imagine that you would think me to be a bubbly, quirky person, and many people who know me would probably agree. Me? I feel like a smile is the best way to greet someone. I genuinely like talking to people.

As I grew older, I began to realize that my peers around me didn’t seem to like how optimistic I was. Many people called me idealistic, and they called my bubbly personality fake. Suddenly, people were asking me why I was always laughing. And slowly, I wasn’t the same smiling girl I used to.

Man, people can really screw you over.

I wish I hadn’t allowed people to take a toll in my life.