Money may not equal happiness, but…

It comes pretty damn close, it seems like.

It’s crazy to think that we have to pay tens of thousands of dollars to become educated. And I mean the adult world “educated.” The educated that only means something if you’ve invested time and money into the institution.

It only makes matters worse that a bachelor’s degree is supposedly becoming as useless as a high school diploma. I found that mind-boggling the first time someone said that to me. You’re telling me that I’m paying for a degree that is becoming value-less?

Wow, tough times are a-comin’.

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Week 11/52: We Need More Weeks Dedicated to the Equinox

What was once beautiful is now tainted by insight.

Being that this past week was spring break, I did two things that I don’t normally do over the course of the school year:

  1. Sleep. Now this one is a little obvious because every chance I get, be it a school night or not, i try to sleep or, at the very least, take a nap. But (I’m sure every college student knows what I’m saying) I slept for an ungodly amount of time–I kid you not, it had to be over 12 hours some days. And I felt no regret.
  2. Think. Being that I am an extrovert, there are deep, dark places in my mind that are only explored when I am alone. This past week happened to be one of those times. While I longed to be sipping a pina colada by the beach, I was lying in my bed just thinking about my life and what I could be doing.

Ever purchased something and, looking at your bank statement later, wondered why you even bought it in the first place? Don’t you ever wonder what that money could be going toward?

Well that was what I was doing, but it was worse: I was contemplating every big decision of my entire life. It felt like I was doing the opposite of adult-ing. I just questioned EVERYTHING. What was I doing? Why was I doing it? Who was I doing it for? I mean, I was really thinking about these questions… like I wasn’t sure who I was anymore.

I don’t know whether it was more scary to think that I am a whole new person or that I never knew who I was to begin with. Hmm.

Defeated

There are those days when you just feel like everything is going right in the world.

This is not one of those days.

In fact, it is exactly the opposite. Today was one of those days when you want to so badly be yourself–which for me is the talkative girl always smiling on campus. You see, today I felt defeated. Although I can be moody on a daily basis, fluctuating from extremely happy to upset in a couple of minutes, today I simply felt especially gloomy.

But the topic I am about to delve into is a pretty gloomy issue already: job hunting. Those two words can bring anyone to a painful standstill as they search tirelessly on career boards and newpaper ads for a posting that aligns with their qualifications and experience. As a business school student, job postings are common to find on our career board. However, over the thousands of students applying to that one job posting, who is to say that one student is not more qualified than you?

And that is exactly my problem. After applying day in and day out to many programs and internships, I feel that I have hit a sour patch. I woke up this morning to a “Thank you for applying, but we cannot interview you at this time” type of e-mail, and throughout the day I received two more, stating, in similar terms, that I will not be interviewed for the job. Yes, THREE were able to dampen my mood instantaneously. It’s not as if I have never received a rejection letter before, but damn if that didn’t take a toll on my day.

The real question is: how can I prevent myself from feeling discouraged?

 

 

What Happens Now?

Growth is a funny thing, isn’t it? And I’m not talking about it in the physical sense (although it’s not too funny when it comes to waist size growing), but rather the mentality that we have when we see ourselves progressively get better.

Something that always strikes me is when my thoughts drift to times when I feel that I am outgrowing people. As a college student, it’s so easy for that to happen. There are mainly two types of people in college from my perspective: the people who intend to make college about the party lifestyle and the people who are constantly worried about what comes after college.

Could you guess which category I would fall under?

If you guessed the latter, then I guess the five blog posts I’ve already posted has uptight written all over it.

Truth be told, I am terrified of what is happening. Constant questions that always surround me include “What can I do to make my resume better?” “What happens after this?” and the ever common question among college students across the nation:”Will I ever pay off my student loans?”

However, I don’t want to be stuck in the uncertainty stage later in my life, wondering if I did everything I wanted to before settling down. And sometimes that’s what my roommates are constantly telling me. Let loose. Don’t worry. Live a little.

I can’t help but think that I’m too old for this. Too worried about my future and too invested in myself to let loose. Now if you’re rolling your eyes at me, trust me, so am I. Because what possibly can a 19-year-old college student be so worried about? The constant pressure to party and then the overwhelming stress to get ahead for school is like an uncontrollable car crash happening right before my eyes. They don’t go together.

I think I’ve outgrown my peers, and I have to accept it. If they challenge my decision to focus on my future, then perhaps they aren’t the people I should be around anyway.

Careful There

If I’m not busy, I feel as if I’m not doing enough. 

Seriously, the girl in the picture above is how I feel sometimes. I know that this is entirely my own fault because I often “bite more than I can chew.” But I can’t help that I love to be involved. On campus, the student orgs that catch my attention the most are the ones that fight for a cause that reasonate deep in my heart. So what did my eager freshman self do? I joined many clubs to become well versed in the language of leadership and organization.

It seems that I would be on the right track, and even to myself, this just seemed to make the most sense. Especially when I decided to take a position on E-Board, I noticed that I wanted the experience and the knowledge of this club. And suddenly, I was taking leadership positions in other clubs and joining other committees and working and going to school at the same time and then I realized YOU CAN’T DO IT ALL. 

No matter how much you care, your efforts will not be enough truly give your all to every single club/activity you do.

My number one rule while attending college is: I am a student first and foremost. I have to remember why I’m here in the first place. Yes, being involved on campus can be awesome especially when you make friends who share the same interests as you, but college is fricking expensive… so school and studies HAVE to be #1.

It just really sucks that I don’t have the time to be involved in everything I want to.

Oh, and friendly reminder: at 19 years old, if your life is in shambles like mine and you have no idea if your major is something you really want to do, take a deep breath and truly think about what you want out of life.

No matter what, remember that no establishment or person can define who you are.

Be free 🙂

Oh, To Be a College Student

this is entirely relevant

this is entirely relevant

So here I am sitting in my campus library trying to motivate myself to study for my exam that I will take in literally four hours. Motivation has really turned into procrastination as I truly just type to make it seem like I am actually doing something among the sea of students.

With my eyes trained on my computer screen, my fingers flying across the keyboad a mile a minute, and my workspace covered in piles of paperwork, I am almost like any other stressed college student, ripping my hair out as I seemingly try to meet a deadline. Truth be told, I’m just exhausted so let me watch my puppy videos in peace pls.

In reality, what they don’t know is that I am secretly peeing my pants about my exam, but I am also laughing because there are so many other things I could be learning (heh, I doubt it) right this minute.

Lesson learned, kiddies: don’t take summer classes unless you like to torture yourself as you scroll down your instagram feed and “like” pictures of all your other friends splashing at the beach and going on adventures around the world.

Reap What You Sow

Success is beautiful concept. We set up a goal to achieve, and we work toward the goal through hardships and limiting circumstances. When we reach our goal, we are an instant success. Success is difficult to measure; in fact, many say that it cannot be measured at all. Some people would say that success (are you tired of reading this word yet?) is determined by a six-figure salary or the number on a scale or the amount of friends one has on Facebook.

However, for me, I have no idea when I’ll ever be satisfied with my work or my effort to call myself successful. I have never called myself successful. Not when I graduated high school. Not when I got my first job. Not when I got accepted to all the colleges I had applied to.

Now hear me out: This post isn’t dedicated to all my achievements that weren’t given the proper recognition they deserved (although it’s really starting to sound like that, huh?), because I could literally care less about all the excessive crap. This is a post dedicated to myself about chilling the hell out. Seriously.

I’d say to myself, “you can do better” and “there are bigger fish to fry.”

Am I being hard on myself? Probably.

But I think the bigger problem for me is the way I see myself and the world around me. I think my desire to be better than my best has got me thinking everything is a competition, and my thinking has becomes askewed. Now I feel like all I do is talk about myself and complain about everything. I expect so much out of myself that I have become mentally and physically incapable of being a person people want to be around.

If it’s true that you “reap what you sow,” then why do I feel like the more effort I exert, the less I am actually getting out of it? Fellow college students, please let me know that I’m not the only one feeling this way. How do I truly be happy with all that I’ve accomplished when I feel like I’m not doing enough or I could be doing more?