Sick and tired of being sick and tired

Hopefully this is some leftover teen angst because I hate being angry and hopeless all the time. Seriously. I wake up, and I feel no purpose in my life.

I spend the day wondering what I could be doing better.

I don’t want to be around anyone anymore. I don’t trust anyone anymore. My emotions are always on the rise. Everyday is like an elastic band. Throughout the day, the elastic band stretches and stretches until someone says something… and I just snap.

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Week 11/52: We Need More Weeks Dedicated to the Equinox

What was once beautiful is now tainted by insight.

Being that this past week was spring break, I did two things that I don’t normally do over the course of the school year:

  1. Sleep. Now this one is a little obvious because every chance I get, be it a school night or not, i try to sleep or, at the very least, take a nap. But (I’m sure every college student knows what I’m saying) I slept for an ungodly amount of time–I kid you not, it had to be over 12 hours some days. And I felt no regret.
  2. Think. Being that I am an extrovert, there are deep, dark places in my mind that are only explored when I am alone. This past week happened to be one of those times. While I longed to be sipping a pina colada by the beach, I was lying in my bed just thinking about my life and what I could be doing.

Ever purchased something and, looking at your bank statement later, wondered why you even bought it in the first place? Don’t you ever wonder what that money could be going toward?

Well that was what I was doing, but it was worse: I was contemplating every big decision of my entire life. It felt like I was doing the opposite of adult-ing. I just questioned EVERYTHING. What was I doing? Why was I doing it? Who was I doing it for? I mean, I was really thinking about these questions… like I wasn’t sure who I was anymore.

I don’t know whether it was more scary to think that I am a whole new person or that I never knew who I was to begin with. Hmm.